the wisdom of charlie brown

tomorrow is "the day"
one of many THE days to come

but tonight i cant sleep
because tomorrow is the first THE day

tomorrow we retreive
i have three follicles on the right two are mature, one is lagging
on the left
my ever-elusive left ovary
is keeping secret what it has in store for us
perhaps one, perhaps more... or perhaps it is a cyst

tomorrow will tell so much

wish us well, as tomorrow is a big day
and im feeling a little fragile

my parents are here, visiting
for most it would be of great comfort to have mom & dad so close
it is not
the visit is going better than i'd expected
but perhaps this is because i have lowered my expectations

i feel like a horrible daughter
betraying my parents with my thoughts
its quite the time to deal with parental issues
...what irony

im not going to focus on that right now
instead im making a cd of music for the procedure tomorrow
we've been told music is allowed

i asked if i could bring some death metal in with me to the receptionist
she clearly has no sense of ha ha

my g/f helped me with some songs
much to her chagrin
poor girl downloading music for me
and sending it under the subject "gay old person shit"
but she gets serious credit...
she did it
i needed help, and she was there

in contrast, my mother lay on the couch watching tv while i tried to hear the songs i was choosing... and fought back tears as my friend counselled me with wisdom so far beyond her years it would make you pause - or cry, as i finally did

im in bed now, lying awake
wondering, worrying a little
just altogether overwhelmed i suppose

wishing my gram was here
wishing i could call her and hear her voice that would convince me that everything was going to work out just exactly the way that it is meant to be

i miss her with every fibre of my being

when i was a kid i would spend my whole summer with her
both me and my cousin
we shared a room all summer long
and at night we would read before bed
it was always charlie brown books - a HUGE selection of charlie brown books
its funny because i dont recall ever questioning or having any desire to read something else, or feeling like we were missing out, in need of some greater selection

it was summertime, and that was simply one of the summer things to do

so it made me a little nostalgic when i came across this quote:

“Are you upset little friend? Have you been lying awake worrying? Well, don't worry...I'm here. The flood waters will recede, the famine will end, the sun will shine tomorrow, and I will always be here to take care of you.
~ Charlie Brown to Snoopy

...no wonder we never complained